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This is NOT a Fairytale

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a perfect man. He was everything that a girl my age could ever ask for, except that everyone thinks we were going nowhere.

I had the biggest crush on him from the moment I saw him smile at me. Suddenly, the world stopped and just like any infatuated junior, I was left smiling dreamily with a pounding heart inside my chest. A persistent admirer, i was sitting on the bench, cheering for their basketball team and hanging out at the spots where he goes to. He would give me a glance and say hi, a nod and a smirk, and innocently walk away. He was my walking dream.

We started our relationship when I was in college. We kept it a secret from everyone else, creating a world of our own - him, me, and the movie theaters. For years, the theater seats were the only witness of our passion and love. It was the only place where we could hold hands and feel each other's bodies. It was the only place where we could kiss passionately, without worrying about what other people might say. The cold darkness became our home, and the flashing lights were our warmth. The actors and actresses were the only confidantes of our silly fights, our mushy love lines, and our muted grunts and moans. It was all there is. It was all we had until we found that safer place.

Every love story has a problem, and we had lots. I was immature and selfish, and he was too confined in his small, barrio-tic world. I was adventurous and independent, but he was too scared to try and risk. I was starting to get a life, and he already has his own, and it was a kind of life that I would never wish to have. Throughout the whole time, our relationship became a cycle of fun, misunderstanding, fights and make up sex. On and on until it became a routine. Until we stopped fighting not because we have changed but because we were too tired to argue and maybe too angry to care.

He had his ways and I had mine. We were both trapped in the shadows of our pride. It then came to a point that no one would say sorry. No one would stoop down and accept a mistake. It was already a failing relationship. The saddest part is, it was only I who realized that. Four years of love and hate can make your heart grow tired. It could overshadow any amount of love that you have left, and sometimes it can just make you quit.

Once upon a time, I realized that I fell in love with a complete stranger who has the most perfect smile that made my heart melt. Now I know that was all it was. Struggling with letting go and moving on, everything can remind me of him. He comes alive in every movie theater, in every basketball game MVP, in every artist, in every love song, in every almond-shaped eyes, and in every perfect smile. It was like he was able to afford a comfortably wide space my heart. He was my regular employee, my Mighty Bond, my siamese twin. I just can't get him out of my system.

But I know that just like the way the heart learns to love, it can find a way to let go. Maybe not now but I know someday it will. Someday, it wouldn't be that awkward when we bump into each other on a street anymore. I would learn to be happy when I see him with someone else and be able to wish them the best of luck without a throbbing pain in my heart.

Until then, all I could is post a blog and try to live happily ever after.

Nabanggit na rin lang...

Masarap pero bawal, yan ang GUILTY PLEASURE.

Yaman din lamang na nabanggit na ito bilang blog title ko, gusto kong magbahagi ng kakarampot na impormasyon. Tungkol ito sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi niyo naman kailangang malaman at wala naman talagang halaga sa pang araw-araw niyong pamumuhay. Wala namang tips at suggestions tulad ng DIY network at walang jokes at qoutable qoutes na pwedeng iforward sa text o di naman kaya ay i-post sa facebook. Hindi rin naman nakakapagpagaan ng household chores at hindi rin kapupulutan ng aral tulad ng Hiraya Manawari. Wala lang talaga.

Ito top 7 sa mga guilty pleasures ko. Sabi na sa'yo eh, wala lang talaga. Top 7 lang kasi kapag 10 baka sabihin niyo naman na masyado akong makasalanan. Kapag 5 naman ay baka sabihin niyong anghel ako. May pakpak ako, sungay at buntot. Wala naman sa impyerno pero wala rin sa langit. Hindi rin anghel pero di rin demonyo. Average lang.... Unicorn. Pwede na? Hindi? Ok.

7. Pasikat. Matatawag ko ang sarili kong mayabang pero hindi ako nagsasalita. Mas gusto ko yung kayabangan na nakikita na lang ng iba kesa sa maririnig galing sa akin. Kaya lang minsan talaga mabilis ang ikot ng karma. Pasikat ka na nga, nabobokya ka pa. Yung tipong sasakay ka ng jeep, overconfident ka kasi sumakay ka sa tapat ng UP, titingin ka sa mga kasama mong nakasakay ng nakataas ang kilay, lalabas mo yung Law on Partnerships and Corporations textbook kasi astig yun eh. Kahit wala namang quiz, makabukas lang ng libro sa jeep. Excited na pagbuklat ng libro oh, pati balikat gumagalaw. Tapos, PAK!, bukas na, baliktad pala. Nampuchang mundo, hanlufet!

O asan na ang 6,5,4,3,2,1?




Bold Star

Hindi ako baguhan sa blogospoeryo. Hindi rin ito ang unang blog ko sa Blogspot at lalong lalo nang hindi ito ang unang "first post" ko. Halos tatlong taon na ring pakalat-kalat ang iba't ibang alyas ko sa internet. Nagkaroon na rin ako ng account sa halos lahat ng blog hosts at social networking sites dito sa mundo ng internet. Sabihin mo na lahat kahit sa porn site, meron ako nun.

Hindi ko ambisyon ang maging artista, lalong lalo na ang maging sikat. Kaya ako palipat-lipat ng bahay dahil hindi ko makuha-kuha ang katahimikan na inaasam ko. Hindi ko balak mang-agaw ng pwesto, trono o ano pa mang korona ng kahit na sino sa blogging. Gusto ko lang naman na maging anonymous, makapagpahayag ng saloobin tungkol sa kahit anong bagay nang hindi nag-aalala tungkol sa sasabihin ng iba.

Gusto kong isipin na sa sarili kong mundo, magiging malaya ako. At kahit ayoko maging artista, heto na nga ako't umaarte na parang isa. Artista na dating patweetums at pacute lang ang alam, ang dating umiiyak lang sa putikan, ang dating inaapi lang ng karamihan.....

Eto na siya...




Naging BOLD STAR na.